Cape Town to Buenos Aires

April 29, 2008

Anecdotes of the first leg of my trip. 

4am: I wake rather dusty eyed to a rather abrupt alarm.

5am: Check into first leg of journey - Cape Town to JHB.

8am: Arrive in JHB and spend the next two hours having one cup of coffee, seeking out a pack of chewing gum and buying a pen. Amazing how one can draw things out when need be - mind you some say procrastination is my middle name..

10am: board my next flight - JHB to Sao Paulo. I`m sitting next to Rajesh from Bangalore, India. A lovely chap who wags his head from side to side uncontrollably!

3pm: One dreadful movie and meal  in and we are only half way there. I`m about to jump out of the plane - long distance hauls are just not meant to happen when it`s sunny outside. I read 10 pages of my Men’s Health knowing very well that if I read any more, I will have nothing to read later - this waiting is a game you see and I`m determined to win.

4pm: The service on this flight has been despicable - in the one row we have granny Bertrude from Springbok who should have retired when Apartheid ended serving us. In the other row we have Chris who looks and acts like that blond guy from Queer Eye For the Straight Guy - for all the macho South American men on the plane it all just seems a bit much and the teasing has begun.

6pm: It`s chaos  here in the back of the plane. A Chinese man, outraged with the service, has just taken a picture of “headmaster” Chris so he can report him. Bertrude is so irate, to the point of having a nervous breakdown while trying to get all the cheering passengers to sit down. Rajesh just wags his head from side to side with a smile on his face.

9pm: Finally, we have made it - and only just I might add - I have a few bald spots on my head now. “Headmaster” Chris is still crying in the back of the plane and Bertrude is nowhere to be seen, i think someone gave her a tranquilizer.

9:30pm: Sao Paulo airport is a hellhole - there is absolutely nothing to do here and I`m here for 3hrs. I must admit, I`m so tired I`m close to tears - that flight was all a bit much!

9:45pm: Miracle! I have just found a TV showing Arsenal vs Derby!

12pm: I`m finally on board my last flight to Buenos Aires. As luck would have it, I`m wedged between the captain and star player of some Brazilian football club who are off to play Bocca Juniors on Wednesday.

1am: I order a whisky and get handed what must be 200ml of whisky with one block of ice. “Elcapatino” who has just ordered an orange juice gives me an impressed look. I take a huge sip of my whisky to keep up appearances.

2am: Well it`s all a psychedelic dream now - a lethal concoction of whisky and altitude. Gomez, fittingly provides the soundtrack on my iPod.

2:15am: Just my luck - we have just hit severe turbulence. It`s doing wonders for my stomach and to make matter worse I`ve just spilt whisky on “Elcapatino`s” lap. Get me outta here.

3:30am: We have just arrived, my bag has made it somehow and side by side with “Elcaptino” I walk through the sliding Arrival doors. It takes two second for me to be shoved aside by three reporters all scrambling for an interview with my soccer friend. With at least 4 camera`s around us, I`m pretty sure I got my 15 seconds of fame.

4am: I`m in a taxi on my way to the hostel I`ve booked into. The taxi driver is driving like a crazed mongoose - it`s appears that there is some sort of crazy game going on. One where the objective is to go as fast as possible, while trying to skim the side rear-view mirrors of fellow taxi`s on the road.

4:30am: The hostel I have just arrived at has over booked and I cannot stay there. Ha! I`m being transferred to their sister hostel a couple of blocks away. All amusement has left my building.

5:45am: I’m finally in bed. I need sleep…. remind me next time to pay the extra R800 and take a direct flight.

Tomorrow, like Bill Bryson, I`ll find a pub and have a few beers to regain my composure.

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